tell me this one thing

tonight,i amfighting.all my lifei have beenfighting.fighting as onefighting as One;fighting in sorrowfighting in shadows,fighting in and out of fearfighting in tears for years andyears. so much fighting andfighting, unceasing,it neverflees.it drainsit driesit drives mew i l d.and yet.oh,this thought,this fight --it fillsit fuelsit frees.fills fuels frees me.indicts my incompetencerestores my relevance.finding by denyingbeautifying by crucifyinglove-unending by sweet surrendering --oh,this thought.thissingleblissfulthought.all my lifei have beenfighting.tonight is not unlike any othernight;tonight is not unlike this usualfight.but tonight,tonight, i writetonight, i wonder:wonder why do i fighttonight?wonder where is my lighttonight?wonder who is my right handtonight?i do not regretthis lifelong fight.what once were tearsof solitude and sorroware now tearsof the other sort:tears of tenacious togethernessby grace and gracealone.and yet.tonight,i feelthe weightof thisfight.this longthis loudthis lonelyfight.i do not fight alone,i know.this messed up mass of flesh,each one of us,fights,i know.butbut do theybut do they really fightlike this?do they really fight likeme?is their crossheavierharderholierthan mine?i cannot speak for them,tonight,only for meand myfight.only that,tonight,i feeldisjointedand far from thelight.and

i need you.

i need you to tell me

one thing.

tell me this

one thing,

this one blissful thought:

tell me i am

wrong

tell me i am not

disjointed

from you.

from Us.

tell me i am

joined

part of

together

with

you,

Us.

i need you to tell me

i am necessary

i matter and

i am vital

to you.

Us.

this messed up mass of flesh

this Body.

tonight,

i need you

to tell me this --

to tell me this aloud, with words,

spoken unbroken words --

because,

tonight,

this thought,

this single blissful thought

evades

me.

tonight,

i

i just

i just cannot

hear

it.

[ inspired by this blog post ]