I’m Tom. Let me tell you two stories…
The Outer Story
I grew up in a Christian home near Philadelphia, a place where family and faith melded into something that felt practically perfect, safe. Somewhere like my own personal Eden.
Then, at 12, I moved with my family to Athens, Georgia, and I learned of another life beyond Eden’s gates. My teen years in Georgia were rough on me. I was already a shy kid, made only quieter by the onslaught of puberty, acne, and this 800-mile move from all I’d ever known. I endured bullying, isolation, and social anxiety at my Christian school and youth group.
I graduated from the University of Georgia with an English degree. I’d always loved writing, ever since childhood stories and journaling in the attic. Despite my purest intentions, this artistic passion did not produce a thriving career out of college. For over a year, I lived at home and despaired over my direction in life.
After working the customer service desk at a retail store, I gambled on a cross-country move to Southern California, despite never having set foot west of the Mississippi. My four years on the West Coast changed my life. I climbed out of isolation and purposelessness, joining a church and small group, getting baptized, writing my first book, and discovering an untapped passion for youth involvement.
For the next few years, I worked and volunteered with kids of all ages academically, recreationally, and therapeutically. I tutored students, counseled at Christian summer camps, and even wandered with teens in wilderness therapy. In 2016, after living on the road for a year, I moved to Charlotte and then Asheville, North Carolina to tutor and mentor teenage boys in drug and alcohol recovery.
It was all good work — exhausting, but fulfilling. A redemptive arc for that lonely kid of youth groups past. Meanwhile, though, another story was brewing…
The Deeper Story
From a young age, I knew I was different — particularly among boys. I was more shy, less boisterous, yes, but I also found boys unexplainably alluring, beautiful. I didn’t have the language for it then, but I do now.
I’m gay. Alongside my faith in Jesus from a young age, my sexuality was, and only ever has been, oriented toward men. Never to women.
My raging social anxiety was only reinforced by this crippling notion that I must forever keep my sexuality a secret. I determined to go to my grave never speaking a word of my same-sex attractions. I truly thought I was the only person following Jesus who dealt with this.
All of that changed at 21, when a desperate Google search about Christians and homosexuality led me to a group of men blogging authentically about their experience with faith and sexuality: guys attracted to guys, also following Jesus, also living chastely, whether single or in marriage with their wives.
That night, an existential light switch turned on that will never gain turn off — I was not alone.
I found new life and new friends with this blogging community for many years. A group of us cofounded Your Other Brothers in 2015, and we reformed as a nonprofit ministry called Your Other Family in 2024, also incorporating a women’s community of Your Other Sisters. Our mission, through story and community, is to ensure sexual minorities like us aren’t just in survival mode until our graves, but that we, like all people, find connection, purpose, and abundance with Jesus and the Church.
I currently serve as executive director of YOF and director of YOB. Who knew a storytelling kid in the attic would write books and blogs, and produce podcasts for a living? Or that an insecure boy, once an outcast among boys, would lead men’s retreats every year?
You are not alone isn’t just another cliche; it’s forever changed my story. I hope it changes yours, too.
Tell Me Your Story
Whether you’ve read my work, followed my journey, or simply wandered here with curiosity, I’d love to hear from you. Connecting with fellow sojourners is one of my greatest joys.