I’ve been recently blogging about Enneagram — the personality model that defines humanity into nine particular “types.” I started with an Enneagram intro, then examined the life of Unhealthy Tom and Healthy Tom. Today, I conclude this Enneagram series with my life as an average Type 4 “Individualist.” It’s the life of Normal Tom.
Most of life isn’t depressing. Most of life isn’t amazing. Most of life is just…normal.
Most of life is driving to work and navigating grocery store aisles and falling asleep to buzzing televisions. Most of life feels quite average.
I’ve been blogging recently about the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. I’ve talked about Struggle Central as the greatest triumph of my life stemming from the healthiest season of my life. Then there was the isolation and shame of high school, by far the unhealthiest season of my life.
But what about all the other seasons? What about now?
What about life in the middle?
Life as an Average Type 4: The Middle 3 Levels of Healthiness
The introspective “Individualist” that I am, it’s easy to determine where I land on Enneagram’s healthiness spectrum. Every “type” as its own unique 9-level hierarchy of healthiness. Here’s Enneagram’s take on the middle 3 levels of healthiness for an average Type 4:
Level 4: Take an artistic, romantic orientation to life, creating a beautiful, aesthetic environment to cultivate and prolong personal feelings. Heighten reality through fantasy, passionate feelings, and the imagination.
Level 5: To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to “get out of themselves.” Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings.
Level 6: Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious.
In my years removed from high school, I’ve bounced up and down these middle three levels. I’ve lived the “self-pity and envy” of Level 6, and I’ve embraced the “moody and hypersensitive” qualities of Level 5.
Today, I’m currently standing at Level 4. Not quite “healthy” by Enneagram standards, but certainly not “unhealthy.” I’m an average Type 4, perhaps a slightly above average Type 4, basking in the artsy romance of my #RunningTo venture to come.
Talk about “fantasy” and “imagination”; I can’t stop thinking about my trip.
It’s not Level 1, but I’m actually really proud to be at Level 4 right now. I’m proud, because I was only recently down at Level 5.
In the past, I’d occupy unhealthy levels for longer stretches of time. This time, though, I didn’t dwell there long. I did something about it.
I climbed out. I climbed up.
Life as an Average Type 4: Climbing Above Average
Last week I blogged about “being between” and how the middle can be such a strange place. Past the brink of disaster, eyeing the verge of greatness, and yet stuck.
I’ve been in a difficult stretch lately. I have “withdrawn” to “buy time to sort out my feelings.” All the symptoms of Level 5. It’s a game I’ve played all too often. I’m practically the Michael Jordan or Babe Ruth or Takeru Kobayashi of RETREAT.
After living that solitary life, though, I finally said enough. I included people in my pain. I initiated conversations across coffee shop tables and invisible phone lines alike. Over the last month, I’ve connected with numerous others more often and deeper than I ever have.
Before I knew it, Level 5 became Level 4. My life remains difficult, but I’m no longer retreating; I’m actually quite inspired right now. I’ve climbed, and I’ve grown.
I haven’t looked back.
Life as an Average Type 4: Escaping Average
As I prepare to ditch normalcy with #RunningTo, I want to continue climbing upward. I want to ascend the Enneagram healthiness ladder to Level 3 and Level 2. Someday, I want to return to the blissful realm of Level 1.
I want to escape average.
As an average Type 4, I can see the warning signs as they happen. When I’m tempted to retreat, when I take words too personally, when I embrace self-pity or, worse, self-loathing, I know Unhealthy Tom may be budding.
When I feel like I’m inherently missing something that everyone has in abundance.
When I fantasize about my perfect self and yet take no active steps toward becoming that man.
When I clutch past pain and lose sight of my present relational riches.
When I lose my way, may another help me find it. We’re all connected on this Enneagram wheel, and we are especially conjoined in this Christian Body.
Someday, I’d like to examine all the other Enneagram types. Enneagram is so fascinating. I hope you check it out. And I hope you discover your own unique paths to a happier healthier you.
What’s your Enneagram type, and what’s your current healthiness level? Do you live most of your live in the “average”? How can you start actively climbing up one level?
Hello! I don’t know if you’re always keeping this blog because the last comments date from 3 years but I’ll try to explain my situation hoping to receive your answer.
I’m a 16 girl and I discovered few years ago I was a 4 (and infp-MBTI) and that was a real revelation for me. I said myself all the time, and even more since I entered high school: “what’s wrong with me? Why don’t I manage to connect with people? Why am I so different ? Nobody understands me and no one ever will…”
I’m currently in my first year in high school and i have (very) good marks but i’m anxious and withdrawn as hell there because everyone is outgoing (always talking and laughing…), i often feel trapped because i think i had to socialize with people and then i feel i’m faking a person i’m not ; finally, i find school really exhausted. Some days i wondered how i’ll will endure another day in school.I’m seriously and secretly thinking about dropping out but my parents would’t understand (they are both teacher) and the other problem is that i really love learning, especially history, english, french, philosophy and i’m fond of arts/culture in general.
I have 4 real friends, with whom i spent most of my time and i feel at ease with them. But sometimes i feel like they aren’t “deep” on the same level as me. I would like to have a lot of meaningsfull conversations about view of life, death, books, universe, travels, philosophy, psychology etc… Whenever i know i’m pretty lucky because i read a lots of comments on how people are abandoned by their “friends” and stuffs like that and i know that we will be friend for long.
In relationship (out of these friends), i just don’t know how to be myself, most of the time i don’t even talk or if i talk i feel fake, i often adapt myself to whom i have in front of me (ton of voice, mood) in order to fit in, to not show my real feelings that i keep deep inside me. I think it’s a way of protecting myself from the world and from people.
With my family, it’s all the contrary : i’m all the time saying what i think, even imposing to others my own view of things, sometimes get angry for nothing. I always procastinate for homework and i can spent hours doing nothing on the internet, just listening to some music or making unrealistics plans of travels and it makes my father worry about my future and which job i’ll do later (i have no ambition, yet many desire and projects).
I have had a really perfect childhood until my parents divorced at age 8 ; I think this event really had a big impact on my emotionnaly life and on who I am today. I think I tend to idealize too much my childhood and i see it as a “lost paradise” where i was always happy and easygoing with everyone and it makes me melancholic and sad today (i read that it is a common caracteristic to type 4 so maybe it’s “normal”).
In love relationship ; uh… I’ve never been in love actually. Perhaps my attempts are too high to reach, i’m looking for a deeeeep relationship in which both give themselves entirely to the other ; i believe in soulmates (it may sounds creep but i do).
At a point, i thought i was depressed and it had frightens me a little but now I know i’m not (thanks to enneagram and i don’t fit the depression’s criteria). I might was at level 5 few months ago but now i’m pretty sure i turned to level 6.
How can I become a healthier type 4 ? How can find hapiness in life when no one seems to know the real me ?
I just thought you could answer a part of my questions because i find your psychology articles on type 4 very interesting and relatable.
I’ve never open-up myself this way before (i tend to keep all for myself and overthink on it) so i hope you would understand and maybe help me.
Thanks for reading so far
PS : sorry for my bad english ; i’m french and not (yet) fluent in english. I hope you’ll understand tough 🙂