The Year I Don’t Wanna Look Back On (Again)

I don’t want to look back on this year. Who would? This year was awful. This year made no sense. Much like its evil stepsister year before, this year isn’t one I want to relive. Like, ever. And yet we are doomed to repeat history if we do not learn from it. It’s true of societies, and it’s true of individuals. As much as I want to forget most of 2021, I also want to learn from 2021 – desperately. The missteps. The failures. The doom. The gloom. What a tragedy for me – for you, for all of us – to enter 2022 or 2023 or 2087 and not learn a thing from 2021.

To Watch the Storms of My Sadness

Gluggavedur, “window-weather,” is the notion of watching a storm from afar. Of being safely indoors, warm and secure, while the storm brews on the horizon. Lightning, swirling clouds, and rain – all seen through a pane of glass. The concept can be taken metaphorically, too, to separate yourself from your swirling emotions within. Of creating a space between you and the storms: sadness, anger, stress, fear, etc. Of not ignoring these hard feelings, but being aware of them, watching them from the other side of the glass…until they eventually pass.

God I Hate People

For all the headaches other humans have caused me, Lord knows I’ve caused the same (and worse) in others. But we’re different. We come from different families and cultures. We’re all motivated differently. We want and need different things to sustain us, day by day. Okay. I get it now. Now, how can we unite? Around Whom can we follow a common path?

Leave Me Alone

I’m grieving more than just the loss of my grandfather — a hero, a giant, an embodiment of God’s love. I’m grieving all relational brokenness. I’m grieving human death for the first time, yes, but I’m also grieving everything else that separates humanity. Divorce, war, disagreement, misunderstanding, vitriol. Friends who aren’t friends anymore.

I Need to be Sad

The sadness. I can’t ever let myself forget how sad and broken everything is. From the inside out. I can’t, or I go on autopilot. I become a monster of a human I’d never want any of you to see.

This Isn’t Real Life

When real life gets hard and messy and not as it should be, I have an inner sanctum I return to, again and again. One rotted by dopamine-laced falsities.

The 10-Year Reunion I Swore I’d Never Attend

Ah, high school. The zippy theme songs, brightly colored walls, and laugh tracks that followed you from classroom to lunchroom to locker room. Wasn’t life grand? Our elderly headmaster often told us high school amassed “the best days of our lives.” But if those days in the early aughts made up the best days of my life, my […]

To Drown Myself and Be Weak

I’m tucked in my sleeping bag amid poison ivy and dirt. I’m sliding down uneven earth, and I readjust my sleeping bag atop my backpack to compensate. It’s pitch black. I have a headlamp, but I’m not allowed to use it. The students won’t have headlamps, so I can’t use mine. I can’t use my hammock either. Not yet. […]

Life as an Enneagram Average Type 4: What Normal Tom Looks Like

I’ve been recently blogging about Enneagram — the personality model that defines humanity into nine particular “types.” I started with an Enneagram intro, then examined the life of Unhealthy Tom and Healthy Tom. Today, I conclude this Enneagram series with my life as an average Type 4 “Individualist.” It’s the life of Normal Tom. Most of life isn’t depressing. Most of life isn’t amazing. Most of […]

Life as an Enneagram Type 4: What Healthy Tom Looks Like

I’ve been recently blogging about Enneagram — the personality model that splits humanity into nine definitive “types.” What follows is the third post in a brief introspective series about my life as a Type 4: “The Individualist.” Check out my Enneagram intro if you missed it. Last time, I blogged about Unhealthy Tom. Today, I examine the lighter side of being a Type […]

Life as an Enneagram Type 4: What Unhealthy Tom Looks Like

I recently blogged about Enneagram — the personality model, not the board game. The Enneagram Institute splits humanity into nine definitive personality “types,” each interconnected with the other types. What follows is the second post in a brief introspective series about my life as a Type 4: “The Individualist.” Today, I examine the darker side of life as an unhealthy Type 4 […]