Everybody Needs an Uncle Pat

I became an uncle six years ago, and Uncle Pat has always been my template for uncling. Because everyone needs an Uncle Pat. Someone to remember them on their birthdays, buy them Slurpees, ask about their lives, and drive them around on special journeys. If my nieces or future nephews ever have anything positive to say about their Uncle Tom, it will be because Uncle Pat showed me how to uncle well.

I Can’t Believe I Came From Her

My grandmother died. These words rattle around my heart like pinballs that won’t settle, even a week beyond her funeral. And yet I wonder if the settling of these pinballs would be any better – the finality of their lodging into the belly of that machine, no longer kept alive by another flap of the paddles. Mayme Alice was the last of my grandparents to leave this earth, and undoubtedly the one with whom I grew closest.

Older Than Jesus

Growing up, Jesus always seemed so much older than me. Not like eighty or ninety or a hundred “old,” but when you’re only eight or nine, thirty years old feels a hundred years away. But now to have lived the ages of 30 to 33, I have a new perspective on the life of Jesus. Turns out he was way younger – and way stronger – than I’d thought. I’ve had a tumultuous three years; perhaps the most shaping three years of my life. Again, as a storyteller, I can’t help drawing parallels with Jesus’ thirties.

The Problem of Ravi Zacharias

Hiding begets hiding; darkness begets darkness. The problem of Ravi Zacharias is the problem of pastors and ministry leaders the world over. They struggle, too. We all do. And this idolatry of certain Christians needs to stop.God, I pray it stops.

Another Dawn Closer

What a comfort. What an assurance. That no matter how much the last day or last four years have tested us, drained us, broken us . . . the sun rises anew. Gives us a new chance to absorb the light and also a new chance to shine it. Or as poet laureate, Amanda Gorman, perfectly put it at today’s inauguration: “For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.”

A Time to Step Out and Speak Out

As a conflict-avoidant person, I’ve always had this general rule of thumb: stay away from politics when talking with other humans – online or offline. Just stay away. But something’s changed in the last year. A tension not previously felt now rages in me, building over the span of Trump’s presidency. I’ve often been left wondering: at what point do I step out and speak out . . . and at what point do I just throw up my hands and take a deep breath and let it be, and pray, and pray? It’s hard to sit down for my weekly blog and ignore last week’s events at the Capitol. The insanity that erupted and has been swirling in America, within Christianity since Donald Trump descended down that escalator six years ago. It’s all I’ve been thinking about this week, and again I feel the tension. Bubbling tension that must be released.

Prodigal Father

The plot twist of the book is Nouwen’s charge that we aren’t merely to identify with the lost younger son or the lost older son. But we are to identify with the founding father. Becoming more like him as we walk this road. We are to be ones who create home for other people. Ones who keep them safe and warm. Ones who always welcome them in. Even – especially – after they leave.

‘Twas the Night Before Treatment

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I set out on a new quest. A new quest within an already new journey of the last couple months – this unforeseen journey with an autoimmune disease. Tomorrow begins this new quest for healing and recovery. Remission. Or so I hope.

A Time to Refrain from Embracing

Looking down at my precious niece in my arms, I realized it’s really something, how we need physical touch to survive. Need to be swaddled. Need to be held. Need to feel the warmth of another human emanating against us, if only to affirm to one another we are not alone in this desert. To embrace for my soul or not to embrace for my body? Life with an autoimmune disease during the pandemic of the century: one calculated risk after another.

Give Us Tomorrow’s Barabbas

Our entire lives we have wanted to be more present. And now that we’ve been given nothing but buckets upon buckets of the present, we are kicking away the pails and saying, “Give us back our precious longings.” The savior we have anticipated through countless yesterdays is finally here in our midst, and we cry for Barabbas.

Thank You for Being Brave

I’m writing this blog from home. And I never blog from home. Like ever. I have no other choice. Nothing is open. No late-night coffee shops and no early-night coffee shops either, for that matter. Coronavirus has violently disrupted every facet of normalcy. Society’s. My own. Normal Monday evenings aren’t normal Monday evenings anymore. And for God only knows how much longer.

Broken Belonging

Looking back on the last 16 years, I see that “takes too much effort” excuse as an easy out. Digging deeper, I see something else blocking my pursuit of church membership: my self-worth. Surprise, surprise; it’s my single biggest struggle. Am I worthy of church membership? What do I even have to offer the church?

My Name on a Stone

I traveled to Pennsylvania for Christmas, my first trip there since Ahh died this summer. My grandfather’s gravestone wasn’t chiseled until just recently, so this was my first time visiting it. Seeing it. It was the first time I’d ever seen my name on a stone.

Anything Mentionable is Manageable

I saw the new Mr. Rogers movie, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.” It’s unlike any other movie I’ve seen. A unique story structure, beautiful set design, and phenomenal acting. “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” is a movie that will stick with me for a while. I was teary-eyed the entire way – both from the sheer beauty of this story and its haunting connections to my own.

God’s Love is Still Reckless

When “Reckless Love” first came out in 2017, I, like many others in Christian worshipdom, fell out of my seat. For the last year and a half, though, as many songs just do, it faded. Back at church, the electric guitar strings belted a familiar intro. One I’d not heard in a church setting for many, many months. “Reckless Love” returned to my life. And I couldn’t skip it this time.

Itch

I’m itching for home. God, I’m itching for regularity again. I’m itching for therapy and CrossFit and training for a marathon and the same coffee shops and writing my third book and building local friendships and taking Your Other Brothers to bold, new frontiers. I’m itching for this road trip to end.

Death, Delight, and an Unexpected Return to Acadia National Park

My grandfather’s death a few weeks ago prompted a significant change to my #RunningOut road trip’s course. And so, I returned to Acadia National Park in Maine for a reunion with a pivotal white sand beach, remembering Ahh’s legacy of love while piecing together the puzzling pages of my next chapter.

Leave Me Alone

I’m grieving more than just the loss of my grandfather — a hero, a giant, an embodiment of God’s love. I’m grieving all relational brokenness. I’m grieving human death for the first time, yes, but I’m also grieving everything else that separates humanity. Divorce, war, disagreement, misunderstanding, vitriol. Friends who aren’t friends anymore.

I’m Tired.

I just attended the second Revoice conference in St. Louis. Several of my fellow authors from Your Other Brothers also attended, and we’ll have a full recap/conversation coming to our site next week. But for now, I wanted to shed some more personal thoughts on the conference and my life-on-the-road at large. The main one being: I’m tired.

Waking Up from a Thousand What Isn’ts

Being present. I find it so difficult. Perhaps my greatest challenge. I entertain a thousand fantasies on any given day. Many of them “harmless.” Or maybe not. A move to this city. A quick wandering to that one. Staying here in the Blue Ridge the rest of my life. Leaving tomorrow. Old friends, new friends.

A “Love, Simon” Pseudo-Review

On High School, Deep Dark Secrets, Coming Out, Asexuality, My First Kiss, Longing, Commitment, Separation, and the Eternal What-If? I tracked along with 95% of Love, Simon. The deep dark secrets. The longings for other boys. The conflict between self and persona. The thrill of realizing you’re not alone.

Love is Not the Greatest

I’ve watched approximately seven Boy Meets World episodes in their entirety, though plenty of passing clips. I’ve blogged about this show in the past, including its spinoff, because my younger sister would watch it after school, and the strong friendship between Corey and Shawn always kept my eyes craning. Lately, life circumstances have again caused me to […]

And to All a Good Riddance

As the grotesque mass of space garbage we call 2016 hurtles toward oblivion, people everywhere are cheering the prospect of a new year. Myself included. We’ve proclaimed this the worst year ever, what with a most bizarre election cycle, the deaths of numerous beloved celebrities, raging wildfires and natural disasters, and the opening of the […]

A Heart That Can Always Come Home

I’m an angsty guy, I’m realizing — shocker of the century, I know you’re screaming. I’m rarely ever content, but I do experience contentment. However fleeting. Holidays help ground me. They remind me where I came from and they tell me I’m not alone — even though I try to convince myself otherwise the rest […]

When I Hate the Cross

I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember. My Christianness predates my Phillies fandom, my Survivor-mania, even my innate wandering spirit. Seems I’ve always known about God and Jesus and the cross and how I’d be nothing without Him, nothing without those two coarse beams of wood. And yet something about the […]

When I’m Getting a Dog

I’m dogsitting this weekend. Before I moved to Asheville, I never dog-sat or cat-sat or any-other-animal-sat a day in my life. Now, it seems I do it every other weekend. At last count, I think I’ve kept ten different animals alive since moving here. It started with one pet-sitting request at work, and it just […]

And the Message is Fun

The last two days, I’ve taken our students to the River Arts District here in Asheville to visit with local artists in their studios and even do some painting on canvases and walls alike. It’s rare that I get to go out with the students, as I usually aid them with math or writing in […]

My Brother Said He Loves Me

I’ve returned to the addicts group. It’s the first time in five shifts that I’ve reunited with a group, and it’s already made for a smoother integration. For this familiarity to occur with the oldest, previously most intimidating group full of mustaches and patchy beards is a welcome surprise. I’ve teamed back up with 18-year-old Matt, the “bad twin” who also has […]

I’m Worthless. I’m Pointless. I’m Hopeless. I’m Pathetic.

What a strange and comforting thing last week to find myself awakening in the same tufted mountains that changed my life three years ago. The differences between that Christian camp of yesteryear and my current youth wilderness therapy program are many, but the pristine setting was the same. We hiked the second tallest mountain in Georgia one sunrise, and I cried […]

Love Will Find You

I’m sitting at Kudu Coffee in the heart of Charleston. The spacious, grassy Marion Square lies a block to my left. Another block down on Calhoun Street sits Mother Emanuel AME Church. I was here on #RunningTo just six months ago. Here at this coffee shop, there in the square, and even over there walking past […]

Gay Marriage and Me: The Post I Couldn’t Write

Last Friday. What a day. I got a flat tire that morning. I had an hour-long phone interview. I helped a friend move. I stuffed in some writing. It was hustle and bustle from sunup to sundown, and somewhere midway the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in all fifty states. Oh. That was my first reaction. Just “oh.” I mean, gay marriage […]

Jurassic Brothers: A “Jurassic World” Recap that Has Nothing to Do with Dinosaurs

I saw Jurassic World on opening weekend alongside 4.6 billion others. Not quite opening night, because that level of commitment is reserved for more sacred stuff like Star Wars. (175 more days. But who’s counting?) Chris Pratt playing with raptors? Riding alongside them on a motorcycle? Some sort of big bad hybrid dino? Even though the trailers […]

I Visited Westboro Baptist Church

DAY 114: For years they have intrigued me. I’ve watched their interviews and demonstrations on TV and YouTube. They travel the world, hailing from the innocuous center of Kansas and America. They call themselves Baptists — supposed believers of the same Jesus I follow. As I park my car in a Topekan residential area, I approach 12th Street with a distinct shudder. NO […]

MILWAUKEE, Take 3

Three years ago, I first ventured to this Midwestern city. Called it home for an entire summer as I learned what it meant to receive love in community while simultaneously ministering to one. Two years ago, I returned to this city with a gut lined with lonely dread only to rediscover the Paradise it once was. On […]

I Might Have Joined a Cult for 24 Hours

[A]s we pushed off the dock and the other guys got into their boats and pressed off, we back-paddled into the dark of the inlet, waving at the Goffs as they waved back at us. And then to our amazement, we saw all of them, fully dressed with shoes and jackets, take three steps together […]

On Weddings and Wanderings for 80 Days

I just returned from a week-long trek to south Florida. No, I didn’t drive there from Denver; I flew. Last week, #RunningTo morphed into #FlyingTo as I reunited with family for a wedding. This on the heels of my friend’s Denver wedding the weekend before. Two weddings in a seven-day stretch: one in the shadow of the […]

Make Life’s Moments Momentous

What is life? Philosophers and religious scholars and non-religious scholars and simpletons have been striving to answer this question for millennia. I’m no Plato, but the answer to that question seems quite simple to me: life is a string of moments, connected together by the passage of time. Most of life’s moments involve sitting in a lecture hall or […]

I’ve Never Been a Groomsman

I’ve always hated weddings. I think my childhood proves this claim quite clearly. Comical childish outbursts aside, I was never one to get on board with this whole wedding business. Truthfully, weddings just weren’t enjoyable. How does one enjoy watching two people do something one assumes he’ll never do? Engaged and married couples have always felt so foreign and “advanced” to me. I’ve rarely […]

Life as an Enneagram Type 4: What Unhealthy Tom Looks Like

I recently blogged about Enneagram — the personality model, not the board game. The Enneagram Institute splits humanity into nine definitive personality “types,” each interconnected with the other types. What follows is the second post in a brief introspective series about my life as a Type 4: “The Individualist.” Today, I examine the darker side of life as an unhealthy Type 4 […]

What Makes You an Incredible Friend

You’re an incredible friend. You’ve loved me when I’ve often struggled to love myself. You’re an incredible friend. You’ve texted me and called me and otherwise checked on me when I’ve never asked you to do so. Especially when I’ve secretly needed your love but felt too ashamed or needy to ask for it. You’re […]

What Makes Me a Horrible Friend

I’m a horrible friend. I only want your friendship for your kind words so that I can feel affirmed. I only want your friendship for your favors so that I can do less work or spend less money. I only want your friendship for those one-sided conversations that make me feel less lonely as I completely […]

Inhaling Grace: Reacting to Fred Phelps’ Death

According to a recent USA Today article, Westboro Baptist Church’s Fred Phelps is “on the edge of death.” In another article, Fred Phelps’ estranged son further reports that his father had been recently excommunicated from the very church/cult he founded. A man rejected by his own hate group, now facing death’s doorway mere months later? The whole […]

On Homosexuality: Let Us Only Handle Love

Today, I’m honored to be guest posting over at my friend Adam’s blog. I’m writing about homosexuality and how we can respond with love, not anger. Check out this post’s excerpt, and be sure to click over for the continuation! When my blogging friend, Adam (or as I’ve long regarded him, “That Monkey Guy”), asked […]

The Real Reason Why I’ve Never Dated

I’m 26, soon to be 27, and I have never dated. This fact used to elicit great shame; at times, it still does. Looking back, however, I don’t believe I’ve ever been “ready.” Somebody in an online group recently posed a question that awakened me as to why: “How do you know you want to […]

What’s Your Favorite Friendship Story?

I’m currently taking my pretty little time drafting a second book. I’ll soon divulge more info on that venture in an upcoming newsletter (sign up, won’t you?). In the meantime, though, I had a question for y’all. I was hoping we could have an extensive dialogue in the comments below. Here’s the question: What are […]

Why I’m Joyful and Why I Might Not Run Away

Last week, I hit the publish button on a messy post I’d written two days prior. Truthfully, I didn’t know whether to post it. This feels a bit too vulnerable, I thought — even for me. Alas, I needed to vomit those long pent emotions from my system. My poor gut couldn’t take it anymore. Upon dispelling […]

On Releasing My First Book: Lusting for Love

Twelve days ago, I hit the “send” button on a newsletter that would transport my first book to 114 people scattered about this planet. In the ensuing 12 days, 40 others would join my fold and also see my first book born in their inbox — born bloody, naked, and afraid. So very afraid. Within […]

The Story of Ahh: My Grandfather

I love my grandfather. I grew up a mile down the road from my grandparents, and I often walked to their house for adventures only grandparents and their grandchildren can appreciate. In turn, my grandfather would often take early morning walks to our house, tweed cap, leather jacket, and sweet hickory pipe in tow. My […]

On Interrupting Someone’s Meal

“Excuse me, can I just say something?” I turned from the vulnerable conversation I was having with a new friend and looked up at a middle-aged woman’s face. She’d been sitting two tables beside us, eating dinner with her teenage son. Upon rising from her completed meal of Panda Express goodness, she stepped over and […]

Westboro Baptist Church Freedom

Westboro Baptist Church fascinates me. Though not a perfect metaphor, I liken this fascination to that with colorful characters on Survivor. And by colorful, I basically mean despicable. I’m looking at you, RUSSELL HANTZ. For those unfamiliar, Westboro Baptist Church lies at the geographic center of America: Nowheresville, Kansas. The church was started by Fred […]

Valentine’s Day Scavenger Hunts

Happy Valentine’s Day! Or Single Awareness Day for the pessimistic cynics out there. Go team. I’ve never spent a single Valentine’s Day in love, so admittedly, I don’t really grasp the lovey-dovey magnitude of this day like so many do. For me, Valentine’s Day seems like a great chance to waste money on chocolates or […]

A Most Incredible Devastation

My third session at camp now resides in the books, and it’s with legitimate sadness that I type this recap, because this session – these precious kids – rocked my world. And now it’s over. Now they’re gone. My role as “camp counselor” took on elevated meaning and purpose as nine incredible Tennesseeans flooded my […]

A Birthday Baptism by Buccaneer Bay

I was baptized last week. It was more “unconventional” in the sense that the event did not occur within the traditional confines of a Sunday morning service of a standard church building. I kinda like that. But though occurring on a non-churchy Tuesday night at a non-churchy water park, my baptism most certainly occurred in […]

Easter is Nonsense

Easter is the epitome of the illogical turn of events. People don’t just roll away massive unmovable boulders. People don’t escape from inescapable tombs. People don’t cheat death. And yet one person did. A person unlike any other. A person who claimed to be 100% man, yet 100% God — math that makes no sense. […]

God Doesn’t Love You

We’ve all heard those cliché lines where some rugged dude tells his wife that he loves her more today than the day they got married. How sweet like a cherry dipped in chocolate drenched in syrup surrounded by kittens wearing sailor hats. Maybe you married folk have said something similar to your significant other. God’s […]

My Valentine is Forever

I dislike Valentine’s Day. I almost used “hate” there, but eh, Valentine’s Day isn’t worth my hate. The Yankees, on the other hand… Maybe Valentine’s Day would give me the heart-throbs and the dizzies if I was ever romantically involved with another on this sorta made-up holiday. Maybe someday I’ll devolve into that pathetic state. […]

When Faith, Hope, and Love Collide

During training week at the beginning of my YouthWorks summer, everyone in my area group was given a leather cord to act as a prayer bracelet for the entire summer — a reminder to pray for fellow staff in our own city and the 2 others in our area. But while the original intent of […]

November Angst

Today is hard. Five years ago today I lost one of my best friends who just so happened to have four legs and an excitable little tail. And just last year, almost to the day, I lost a friend who I’d never even met in person, and yet profoundly impacted — indeed, continually impacts — […]

Unleashing Your (Toy) Story

As a semi-seclusive writer paradoxically desperate for community, I jumped on the opportunity to attend an “art of storytelling” gathering with fellow creatives at my church. And it was there I became convinced that Toy Story 3 is one of the greatest stories of all time. But don’t just take my word for it. Donald […]

My YouthWorks Summer: Week 5

This is the sixth of ten blogging installments from my life-changing summer in Milwaukee. In this recap I review my fifth week of programming, which aligned with the special week of July 4th. Be sure to check out my postscript thoughts at the end! A logical place for such thoughts. If you’ve missed any of […]