That Time I Stood Up to a Homophobic, Transphobic Bully – Also, a Pastor

A storyteller I follow refers to his growth in the numerical unit of past iterations of himself. “That was eight Robs ago,” he’d say of himself, back when he used to believe one thing or behave a totally different way. I’ve started viewing my own growth in this vein, thinking about all the Toms that have existed in this singular Tom, particularly with regard to this active-passive dynamic. My passivity has run especially true in matters of relational conflict. Given the option to fight a conflict or flight a conflict (please excuse my incorrect usage of a noun as a verb in the name of symmetry), I will flight nine times out of ten. Ah, but then there’s always that one instance…

I Can’t Believe I Came From Her

My grandmother died. These words rattle around my heart like pinballs that won’t settle, even a week beyond her funeral. And yet I wonder if the settling of these pinballs would be any better – the finality of their lodging into the belly of that machine, no longer kept alive by another flap of the paddles. Mayme Alice was the last of my grandparents to leave this earth, and undoubtedly the one with whom I grew closest.

I (Still) Love You, Camp Ridgecrest

I’m only twenty miles away from Camp Ridgecrest, but it might as well be twenty dimensions. A bunch of foggy memories along with a million unformed, never-to-be ones. It’s a fog I can’t shake, follows my footsteps within and beyond the Blue Ridge. Am I crazy? Obsessed? Why does a camp have such a grip on me after all these years? It was one summer. One effing brutal beautiful summer. Why do I feel so much? Why do I hurt with a longing for what was and what wasn’t? And why do a bunch of entitled white southern Gen X Christian moms rake me to the core?

Coming Out to Myself – 14 Years Later

It’s LGBT+ History Month, and October 11th is National Coming Out Day. After pondering this video idea for a few years, now felt like the right time to relive my first coming out – by re-reading the journal entry I wrote at 19 on a raw, tragic night in 2006. I hadn’t looked at these words in 14 years. T’was the night I came out to myself and to God: a same-sex attracted or gay or queer Christian. Soon after this, I’d come out to my parents too.

I Am Not in Control

I have control issues. I have known this about myself for a little while now. Counseling has helped me see it more clearly, though I feel I’ve known this for many years prior. I don’t like being at the mercy of my circumstances. Especially the mercy of another human.

Jesus Year

In 2017, when I was 30, I quit my full-time job at a boarding school to pursue more of Your Other Brothers. It’s work, certainly, editing blogs and producing regular streams of podcasts and videos, but it’s also a lot of ministry. Responding to emails from new readers. Engaging with supporters at coffee shops. Planning weekly digital gatherings and yearly “real-life” retreats. Am I comparing myself to Jesus, you’re asking? Why, of course I am. But shouldn’t we all?

Am I a Brainwashed Celibate Gay Man Following Jesus?

I actually enjoyed receiving this particularly thoughtful email, as it allowed me the opportunity to reflect on the “why” of my faith – not just why I follow this road of singleness and celibacy within my sexuality, but why I find this Jesus so compelling and why I choose Him, over and over.

“Boy Erased” Response-Response and My New Video Series: “Off the Mark”

After watching “Boy Erased,” I felt compelled to make a one-time video; now, I feel compelled to do this sort of thing more often. Introducing my new video series: “Off the Mark.”Because when we feel so far off the mark, Christ always puts us on it.

Oops, My Readers Are My Friends Now

It’s been a wonderful thing, and it’s been a debilitating thing, all these Internet friends. On the one hand, the Internet has filtered out “real life,” so to speak, connecting me with the people I deeply want to connect with. People with common interests, common sexualities, common faiths, common cross-sections of all these things. And on the other hand, the Internet has totally spoiled “real life.” Real life relationships — or the hapless pursuit of them.

I’ve Never Not Wanted to be Gay. Until Now.

I watched Boy Erased the other night, and it messed me up more than any other movie has. Unlike countless others I’ve encountered over the years, I never attempted ‘praying the gay away’ as a kid and have largely experienced more struggles with my masculinity than my sexuality. Until now.

A Man of God I Am Not

Upstream, of course. I’ve always been swimming upstream. Against the current. The current of sexuality. The current of introversion. The current of inferiority. The current of separation. The current of brokenness and deficiency. The current of not being quite enough of a man, if even at all. Let alone a man of God.

My Weird Little Introverted Internet Life

Like, this is actually my life now. Meeting folks from the Internet wherever I go. Near and far and down the street. I mean, I’ve lived this life for years now. I’m not oblivious to it. I’m just feeling it really strongly today. Realizing I hardly translate my weird little introverted Internet life to others.

5 Regrets After 5 Years of Struggle Central

Writing Struggle Central five years ago was absolutely the path God intended for me eons ago. My path as a human, my path as a writer. The gateway to my wildest dreams as an author. Also, a nightmare. A foreign world with implications I’d have never otherwise encountered.

A “Love, Simon” Pseudo-Review

On High School, Deep Dark Secrets, Coming Out, Asexuality, My First Kiss, Longing, Commitment, Separation, and the Eternal What-If? I tracked along with 95% of Love, Simon. The deep dark secrets. The longings for other boys. The conflict between self and persona. The thrill of realizing you’re not alone.

The Best Worst Year in the Blue Ridge

I’m the kind of guy who compares anything to everything: my favorite TV show (Survivor) to my least favorite (The Bachelor), the best month (April) to the worst month (November), the greatest year of my life (2012) to the very worst (2006). I can’t help it. I compare. It’s what I do. It’s why I […]

That Boy is Dead

I recently went home to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday (she doesn’t look a day over 38). It was a weekend of laughs and meals and car rides that reminded me how blessed I am to be a Zuniga. And yet part of that weekend pricked a wound still in me. As part of our […]

A Decade Without Annie

The vortex of my loathing for November stems from this date a decade ago. The day I lost my dog, Annie, to a freak accident. An accident I was convinced was connected to my first bout with pornography and God’s judgment. A decade later, I’ve laxed on the whole God punishing me thing; a decade […]

Why I Do What I Do

A year ago, I knew nothing about recovery. Phrases like “twelve steps” and “Alcoholics Anonymous” may as well have been as foreign to me as “World Champion Chicago Cubs.” But then I started working with teens in recovery, both in the woods and in a beautiful building, and I’ve learned I’m not that different from […]

The Opposite of Addiction

Back when I worked in wilderness therapy last year, I learned an important lesson: the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. I had to think about it for a while. Absorb it. Reflect on it. Think back on the times I’ve experienced addition — pornography, promiscuity, a poor self-image […]

I Have a Podcast!

Friends, You might have heard I started a podcast. It’s called Your Other Brothers Podcast, a show about faith, sexuality, masculinity, and brotherhood. I’m increasingly stirred by this content matter, of helping struggling people escape loneliness and abandonment in the Church. To share my story in the company of my dear brothers is a surreal dream […]

I Have Nothing to Say About Orlando

I read many tweets in the 48-hour aftermath of the Orlando shooting that claimed fifty lives. One jumped out at me most. It said: Christians: your silence is a deafening roar. I read the tweet, felt sobered by the tweet, grew annoyed by the tweet, and then pondered my own “role” or “responsibility” with regard to Orlando and […]

The Hardest Video I’ve Ever Made

I don’t consider myself a videographer. I’m an artist first, a writer second, and somewhere within my inner swirl of creativity there’s room for music and painting and photography and even a little film. I have a YouTube channel, and I’ve shot/edited/published several videos over the years. Most of them are carefree and spontaneous and wandering-induced […]

Your Other Brothers: My New Blog

So, I just launched a new blog! With a lot of help from my friends. It’s called Your Other Brothers, and it’s a storytelling community for Christianity amid struggles with homosexuality. These last few years of writing more openly about faith and sexuality have introduced me to some of my dearest friends all over the world. I’m […]

I Just Want My Dad to Want Me

I walk into work on Tuesday morning and look up at the group assignment board, and my heart drops. For the first time in two months, my name is not listed beneath the addicts’ group. I’ll be returning to the first group of boys I ever worked with here, but now that all these months have gone […]

Gay Marriage and Me: The Post I Couldn’t Write

Last Friday. What a day. I got a flat tire that morning. I had an hour-long phone interview. I helped a friend move. I stuffed in some writing. It was hustle and bustle from sunup to sundown, and somewhere midway the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in all fifty states. Oh. That was my first reaction. Just “oh.” I mean, gay marriage […]

7 Things Christians Should Do About Caitlyn Jenner

I already wrote about Bruce Jenner once, but his recent appearance on Vanity Fair has rocked the world and stirred another post within me. I feel like Christians everywhere are desperately searching for the proper Christian reaction to “Caitlyn Jenner,” or whatever he’s calling himself now. So, I racked my brain and came up with seven definitive actions you […]

I Don’t Get Bruce Jenner

I wrote about transgender people a little while back. In recent months I’ve felt God leading me toward greater empathy of transgenders. I still don’t fully understand the transgender experience, but then I’ll never truly grasp the straight experience or blind experience or Braves fan experience either. The more stories I hear, though, the more puzzle pieces slide into place. The more I see […]

Racism & Homophobia & the Rise of Angsty Christians, Part 2

Last week, I wrote about racism and homophobia and the rise of angsty Christians. It’s such a heavy triad of topics, I realized I’d need two posts to say everything. And then Freddie Gray happened. And then the Supreme Court’s gay marriage hearings happened. And then more angsty Christians emerged, and I realized there probably aren’t […]

I Don’t Get Transgender People

I struggle with a lot of stuff. You might have heard. Some of my struggles have eased over time, and others remain . . . well, a struggle. I am a critical person. I don’t always show it, but I certainly think and feel it. I’ve been self-critical as long as I can remember. Tom, you’re unattractive and quiet and […]

I Visited Westboro Baptist Church

DAY 114: For years they have intrigued me. I’ve watched their interviews and demonstrations on TV and YouTube. They travel the world, hailing from the innocuous center of Kansas and America. They call themselves Baptists — supposed believers of the same Jesus I follow. As I park my car in a Topekan residential area, I approach 12th Street with a distinct shudder. NO […]

On the “Girl Meets World” Premiere

I never got into Boy Meets World growing up. I did catch a few episodes here and there. I know all about “Fee-hee-hee-nay” and how Cory Matthews started out as a fellow Phillies fan and then just didn’t care about my Phils anymore. But Boy Meets World was more my younger sister’s show than mine. More her world than my own. I was […]

Inhaling Grace: Reacting to Fred Phelps’ Death

According to a recent USA Today article, Westboro Baptist Church’s Fred Phelps is “on the edge of death.” In another article, Fred Phelps’ estranged son further reports that his father had been recently excommunicated from the very church/cult he founded. A man rejected by his own hate group, now facing death’s doorway mere months later? The whole […]

On Homosexuality: Let Us Only Handle Love

Today, I’m honored to be guest posting over at my friend Adam’s blog. I’m writing about homosexuality and how we can respond with love, not anger. Check out this post’s excerpt, and be sure to click over for the continuation! When my blogging friend, Adam (or as I’ve long regarded him, “That Monkey Guy”), asked […]

The Real Reason Why I’ve Never Dated

I’m 26, soon to be 27, and I have never dated. This fact used to elicit great shame; at times, it still does. Looking back, however, I don’t believe I’ve ever been “ready.” Somebody in an online group recently posed a question that awakened me as to why: “How do you know you want to […]

I Still Miss You, Annie

Friday, October 19, 2013: It is the final night of my first return to Georgia in a whole year. And for the first time since abandoning the South three years ago, I am actually sad to be flying back “home” to California tomorrow. Normally, I am not sad; normally, I am beyond ready to return […]

SEEK WEEK in Review: God Isn’t Enough

Two weeks ago, my church commenced its annual autumn tradition. It’s called “Seek Week,” a week-long “festival” of fasting and, well, seeking God. Seeing ROCKHARBOR’s five Orange County campuses unite at one location for five consecutive nights was such fantastic foreshadowing for the future: people of all churches, all nations, all cultures, all ages and eras uniting […]

Exodus International Shuts Down and We All Move Onward

This is the third in a three-part blogging series on my four-year return to the Exodus International Freedom Conference. For the first part, “Impressions,” click here. For the second part, “Lessons Learned,” click here. For a video of a ninja cat, click here — and then wander back here for the conclusion to this Exodus International […]

My Last Exodus Conference: Lessons Learned

This is the second in an epiK three-part blogging series on my four-year return to the Exodus Conference. For the first part of this series, “Impressions,” click here. For the third part, “Onward,” transport yourself to the future. And then tell me how you did that cuz I wanna go too. When you attend an Exodus […]

My Last Exodus Freedom Conference: Impressions

14 July 2009. After driving 15 hours through the night, I wearily parked my car at Wheaton College just outside Chicago. Groggy and petrified, I stepped into the bizarre new universe that was the Exodus Freedom Conference – an alien reality of unmasked interiors around every bend. The theme of that 2009 conference was “Make […]