I (Still) Love You, Camp Ridgecrest

I’m only twenty miles away from Camp Ridgecrest, but it might as well be twenty dimensions. A bunch of foggy memories along with a million unformed, never-to-be ones. It’s a fog I can’t shake, follows my footsteps within and beyond the Blue Ridge. Am I crazy? Obsessed? Why does a camp have such a grip on me after all these years? It was one summer. One effing brutal beautiful summer. Why do I feel so much? Why do I hurt with a longing for what was and what wasn’t? And why do a bunch of entitled white southern Gen X Christian moms rake me to the core?

Another Dawn Closer

What a comfort. What an assurance. That no matter how much the last day or last four years have tested us, drained us, broken us . . . the sun rises anew. Gives us a new chance to absorb the light and also a new chance to shine it. Or as poet laureate, Amanda Gorman, perfectly put it at today’s inauguration: “For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.”

Prodigal Father

The plot twist of the book is Nouwen’s charge that we aren’t merely to identify with the lost younger son or the lost older son. But we are to identify with the founding father. Becoming more like him as we walk this road. We are to be ones who create home for other people. Ones who keep them safe and warm. Ones who always welcome them in. Even – especially – after they leave.

You Need to LEAVE

The words “leave” and “stay” keep colliding with one another, over and over throughout my adulthood. I’m learning the equal and opposite power of each.

Prisoner of Hope

Oh, the freedom to no longer hope in anything far off. To forget the future and, perhaps, attain a greater ability to live in this present. It hurts to hope, I’ve been learning (groaning) through adulthood. It hurts to hope for things, only to see them fall flat – or, worse, fall further.

Teach Me How to Live

Of course, I want to travel again one day, set loose to wander once more. I want it badly. But for now, I do have this strange desire to be settled. To stay home and enjoy safety and solitude. And I don’t necessarily feel relegated to this reality, forced into it against my wandering will. For all this restless angst I’ve had since childhood, perhaps I’m finally stumbling onto the cure?

I Am Not in Control

I have control issues. I have known this about myself for a little while now. Counseling has helped me see it more clearly, though I feel I’ve known this for many years prior. I don’t like being at the mercy of my circumstances. Especially the mercy of another human.

Snow That Traps and Beckons

I still remember sitting in that YMCA conference room last March, my third day of training for this new job and just my fourth day living in Asheville. I stared out the giant bay windows, mesmerized by flaky snow drifting downward from a vast gray expanse. This city I’d only ever known for summer camps and […]

Goodbye, Charlotte

On March 9, 2015, I concluded a 9-month road trip around the continent with a relocation from southern California to Charlotte, North Carolina. “Why Charlotte?” many people asked, including several Charlotte residents. “It wasn’t my favorite city,” I told plenty. If I wanted to start over in a “favorite city,” I’d be donning a year-round beanie in […]

The Life I Could Have Lived

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Cheers fill the brisk 39-degree square, a woman with a microphone starts singing “Auld Lang Syne,” dancing ensues, and fireworks shoot over the historic Gettysburg Hotel. 2015 has fallen into oblivion, and I’m wondering how my life got here. ~ ~ ~ […]

#RunningTo FAQ

Throughout my crazy #RunningTo road trip, I’ve been connecting with so many incredible people. The reaction and reception, both online and off, have been fueling me forward. I’m honestly thrilled that so many of y’all are thrilled. After living on the road for over a month now, a few commonly asked questions have arisen. So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to […]

Why I’m Sad and Why I Might Run Away

I don’t often “vent” on this blog. I usually reserve such emotional outpourings for my journal. Or if I’m feeling courageous enough, with a trusted individual or two. To all who have personally suffered amid the snotty sniffling presence of a Tom-meltdown, I vigorously apologize. In these two-plus years of blogging, I’ve often considered the […]

“Struggle Central” Excerpt #2: Alone at Church

Once again, it’s time for a special Struggle Central edition of Struggle Sunday! I’ve already posted one excerpt from my first book, and posted below is another! It’s the second sneak peak for Struggle Central: Quarter-Life Confessions of a Messed Up Christian, with at least one or two more reveals in the Struggle Sundays to come. Today’s excerpt takes […]

Milwaukee Paradise

Several months ago I reentered Milwaukee a year removed from the most life-changing summer of my life. Midway through the summer I blogged about that heavy drive into the city; here now is the continuation of that tale, recounting my 24 hours back in sweet Milwaukee. After parking on all too familiar Logan Street I […]

Tears from Ezra: “It’s Just Not the Same”

I’ve been on a bit of soul-searching journey since relocating from Georgia to southern California over a year ago. Within that soul-searching journey resides countless sub-journeys, including a church-searching one. I’ve not felt truly at home in a church since 1999. So it’s been a while. You would think after twelve years I’d just give […]

State of the TMZ: Life After Milwaukee

Now that I’m unfettered from blogging about the six huge chunks of Me, I figured I’d check in with a little TMZ life update. Before you run away for fear of boredom, let me just say that there’s LOST to be found in this post. Oh yes. This past summer I worked in Milwaukee for […]