My life is nuts right now. Some bountiful blessings, some awful rot. I’ve spoken with many others about it, and they all agree: my life be straight-up strange. And that’s not even considering my #RunningTo trek in three short weeks.
I’m in a funky phase of “being between.” Between credit card debt and financial overflow. Between broken relationships and revitalized ones. Between my 4-year life in California and my multi-month life on the road. Between the healthiest I’ve ever been and … this.
Whatever this is.
My life has seen Twilight Zone levels of weird lately. The characters familiar and new, the conversations loving and heated, the transpired events seemingly fictional yet altogether real. I’ve never experienced quite a season like this. A most bizarre between on the cusp of a new era.
As #RunningTo rapidly looms, I’m reminded more than ever that life’s in-between chaos is all temporary.
We’re always living between Point A and Point B. Working and hustling and hoping for the next big moment. And yet whenever we’re fortunate to eclipse Point B, there’s inevitably a Point C.
Such is life: a winding point-to-point journey. But what if you’re sick of connecting all the dots?
Instead of joining Point A to Point B to Some Other Alphanumeric Juncture, why can’t there just be this moment, this point? Why is it so hard to embrace this Point Now?
I’m tempted to believe that my being between will be ending in hardly three weeks. That once I hit the road, my altogether strange “between” phase will end, and I will have finally arrived.
And yet even typing that sentence makes this notion of arrival seem absolutely absurd.
Yes, I will be beyond relieved to realize this dream. To awaken on that pivotal morning and slide into the driver’s seat, my car packed to the brim. To exhale metaphorically and literally as I drive to my first location among myriad others in the ensuing months.
And yet my dream will keep me constantly moving. I will be wandering from one locale to the next, stopping momentarily to smell the roses, and then I will be saddling up once more. And again. And over and over all summer long as this notion of “arrival” grows exponentially more inane.
Wherever and whenever I actually stop moving, I will have “arrived” for but a moment longer until the wandering commences evermore. And I yearn still for the illusive Point B beyond the bluish-gray horizon.
Life. It’s like I’m at Chuck E. Cheese’s playing a game of wandering Whack-A-Mole while Lamb Chop belts her infernal song that never ends.
We’re always between. “Between” never ends.
Even though an anticipated exhale is coming, I cannot help wondering. Wondering how many miles I will wander before I look down at my odometer and wince once more. Hold my breath as I eye the rear view mirror and the snaking yellow lines behind me as the unending horizon stretches ahead.
How much longer does this road go on? How much further do I still have to trek?
100 miles?
1,000?
10,000?
I have no idea how long #RunningTo will last or impact my life. I see the outlines of this epic adventure forming before me like a cacophony of cumulonimbi. Despite my reasoned guesses, I’ll have no idea what exactly to expect until I step into that lovely storm.
Until I leave this bizarre Point Now behind and embrace an altogether new and probably just as strange Point Now. Driving from city to city and time zone to time zone as Point Evermore glares at me, beckoning me forward from beyond the dashboard.
How easy or hard is it for you to “live in the moment”? Does the future give you hope or dread? How exactly do you live “between”?
Yeah, I struggle majorly with living in the moment. I vary between planning my future too much or dwelling on my past like it’s my job. It hasn’t been until recent years that I’ve gotten my mind to actually look at the present and consider it ok to do. And you know what? Some of the best things happen when you just let go of the past and future and enjoy the present.
This happened a few weeks ago, on my wedding day. By the Grace of God, I was able to just enjoy the day- no stress over what was ahead and no guilt about the past. I simply took in the day with my loved ones and celebrated the union happened between me and my wife.
Living in the moment can be wonderful- but it requires balance. Deal with the past, plan ahead some, and then enjoy what God has done today. None can be done healthily without the others.
I love that last thought of yours: both dealing with the past and appropriate planning for the future. All the marks of a healthy present!
You’re a pretty wise dude, ya know?