5 Years Behind the Rest of Humanity

I’m 26 years old. Well, the beard helps me look 26; without it, my delicate mug is hardly pushing 19.

Patchy facial hair notwithstanding, I don’t feel 26. Not at all. I don’t feel like I’m in the second half of my twenties, and most of the time I really don’t know what age I feel.

18? 21? 4 1/2?

Regardless the flippant number, I do know one thing: I feel at least 5 years behind the rest of humanity. Behind in every possible way.

Every other representative of 1987 just seems eons beyond my feeble 26-year existence.

YouthWorks: Looking Out at Milwaukee

5 Years Behind: Physically

I’m a weak man. No, but really – I have zero upper body strength. I still can’t conceptualize how human beings can accomplish even a single pull-up; it boggles my mind.

In middle school and high school, the football players always got to use the weight room; I never did. And since over half my class played football, most all the other boys in my grade got bigger and beefier year after year, and I always stayed the same, seemingly shrinking beside their broadening shoulders and bulging biceps.

Even throughout college and my post-college existence, I’ve physically felt at least 5 years behind my peers – well, aside from running.

Last year I ran my first half-marathon, and I’m aiming for another 13.1-mile go in the fall. I’m currently lifting weights a couple times each week to supplement all the dang cardio that reduces my waistline month by month.

And yet I still feel so far behind everyone in that gym. Can only consistently work out for two weeks at most before I despair and skip a few days.

It’s probably why I usually work out at 11pm when there’s only 7 other people in the building, including the yellow-shirted cleaning crew with fuzzy dusting wands and dinosaur vacuums. Whenever I examine everyone inside that gym, especially the guys in their shameless tank-tops, all I see are the chiseled bodies that I don’t have.

It’s like being surrounded by all those guys in high school nearly a decade ago. All I feel in those moments is that where I am now physically is where they all were at least 5 years ago. If not longer.

5 Years Behind: Socially

Far beyond the physical, I feel inherently behind the human race in the realm of relationships. Despite the relational progress I’ve certainly made from moving across the country, living with other guys my age, finding a church, plugging into a life group, tutoring youth, and connecting deeper with kids at camp, I still feel so far behind.

It’s like I’m only just now hitting the point where I should’ve resided years ago. Take camp for instance – most every counselor last summer was still in college. Why didn’t I work at a youth camp in college? What was I doing during my lonely meaningless college summers?

While working with kids these last three years, I’ve often marveled over them – how these mere seventh graders exhibit infinitely superior levels of self-confidence among their peers than I do today at 26, let alone when I was their age.

Forget 5 years; maybe I’m actually 14 years behind humanity.

Just last week, I had an opportunity to convene with my life group for a bountiful potluck dinner. And yet I didn’t show. That night, after a hard isolating week, I was beyond overwhelmed by the notion of standing alongside any one of them and undoubtedly feeling inferior in their presence.

Despite all the relational progress of the last three years, I’m convinced where I am now is where everyone else enjoyed life at least 5 years ago.

5 Years Behind: Spiritually

I accepted Christ at a very young age. Somewhere between 7 and 10 years old. And yet I wasn’t baptized until just last year – at 25. At least a 15-year gap.

I didn’t feel at home in a church until 2011.

I’ve put academics and pornography and the arduous pursuit of friendship ahead of God.

I’ve never gone on a missions trip.

Praying aloud in groups freaks me out.

I don’t know how to reconcile dozens of things I read in Scripture — from God’s hardening of Pharaoh’s heart to God’s allowing numerous “heroes” like Jacob and David and Solomon to marry multiple wives to the very existence of Satan.

I often wonder if my faith is genuine. Whether I’m truly loving my neighbor as myself.

Whether I even love myself like I should.

Considering the many facets of my faith-crisis, I wonder how every other Christian my age eclipsed such conflicts at least 5 years ago.

5 Years Behind All Over

Why do the rest of my peers at church and on Facebook and in coffee shops get this thing called life?

Why is everyone either physically fit or physically confident of themselves?

Why is everyone so socially normal?

Why do large groups still cause my introverted blood to bubble?

Why do one-on-one conversations with physically/spiritually accomplished individuals induce my stuttering and blushing countenance?

Why do I receive phone calls from friends and family members alike and instinctively not want to pick up?

Why is my first instinct in social situations to run? Run far away into seclusion?

How do all my fellow Christian brothers and sisters handle their faith and life? Handle it together?

When I feel lonely or “cut off,” I scroll through my contacts and look for someone to call. Or even text. And then I don’t do either.

Too often I feel like too much of a burden on others. They’re so far ahead of me; I might as well just hide. Run. Leave.

Wander…

Right now, I feel 5 years behind everyone else. What about you?

33 Comments
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3ephesians 13 January 2022
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[…] written before about feeling five years behind the rest of humanity, and that number seems to grow with each passing year. After the perils of 2020 and now 2021, I […]

Ashley 13 June 2013
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I agree with many of the other commenters who said you should not compare yourself to others.

I also identified with many of your insecurities – especially those related to spiritual things (I’m not far behind you – at 24 years). I, too, freak out about praying in groups. I, too, have never been on a mission trip. I, too, have difficulty reconciling things in the Bible: like Pharaoh’s hardened heart, polygamy, sanctioned murder, the existence of evil, and, most of all, the existence of hell. I very often wonder about the genuineness of my faith and the quality of my love for others. I very often feel I’ve fallen short – and, in many ways, I have. But I have learned there is grace. God gives us grace and God gives us strength to be who we are not, except in Him.

Comparison is an easy trap to fall into. In our culture where we can know what everyone is doing at any given time of day, it is difficult not to look at others and think “wow, I’m so far behind” or “wow, they live a perfect life”. When in reality, they are struggling too – maybe not with the same struggles as we have, but I guarantee they are struggling. We all are. I think you are aware, but reminders are good, right? 🙂 Many people never share their struggles. I think that we, in many ways, are “ahead” because we have realized the importance of vulnerability – even if we still find it incredibly difficult and even may still shy away from it often.

I guess, we need to remember this: who are you comparing yourself to? God or others? The answer should always be Christ. He should be our “yardstick”. As Zachary mentioned, let us remember who we are in Christ.

Adam Stück 11 June 2013
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I tend to be quietly, stupidly stoic when it comes to my insecurities, and I’m amazed at how open and vulnerable you are on this blog. Your list of insecurities strikes several chords with me. I don’t like social stuff, even when I know it’s good for me. I don’t care much for church. My attempts to grow a beard would be funny if they weren’t so sad, and I often feel inadequate in my attempts to live a life worthy of God’s calling.

Whether or not it’s common to feel years behind your age, you’re certainly not alone in feeling that way!

MLYaksh 11 June 2013
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I gotta say- Zach nailed it. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others and to focus on those negative aspects of ourselves when doing so. It’s not about running a race against others. It’s about running a race towards Jesus. There will be people ahead, along, and behind you- and you’ll all be where Christ wants you to be.
And, bee-tee-dubs, next time you’re scrolling through that contact list- stop at the M’s and shoot me a text/call. You know I always have something to talk about!
Take courage, Tom! Christ is doing great things in and through you! Even if you can’t see it at the moment.

Rebecka 11 June 2013
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You are far from the only one who feels
this way. Most of us think everyone else has it all together, but no one really
does. I related to a lot of this, especially the spiritual paragraph, I wrestle
with those things every day! (And I’m older than you…)

At 26, you are far more honest, brave and willing
to admit the things you struggle with than other people will ever be. More
importantly, you are you, and you are good enough!

Jim 10 June 2013
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How many other people have accomplished what you have at your age? Finished college, wrote a book, moved out of their parent’s house? You are further advanced than some and a little behind of others. You’re normal.

Zachary Gladwin 10 June 2013
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The problem comes in the comparison. You have absolutely no need to be measured next to any other human or human implemented timetable. Your only measuring stick is Jesus – which you will always fall short of. And so does everyone. The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

You have grown more significantly and in more important ways than the majority of the people that I know. To me, that makes you ahead – not behind.

We must remind ourselves of who we ARE in Christ. Not how we feel. I would love to see a response post to this one. A part 2. This post tells of all the things you are not, now write a post of all things that you are. For you lack nothing in Christ!

Go Tombert!

Love.
Blessings.
Shalom.

RD Lenix 10 June 2013
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I think you are less behind than you think you are. It is interesting how we as humans have a tendency to look at everyone else in order to see how we measure up when in reality, we should just accept where we are and go from there. There is no one-and-only mold for how a 26 year old looks. There is no one-and-only mold for how a 22 year old looks, either. Yet we put all of this pressure on ourselves to be more like everyone else and in the end it leaves us confused and in a crisis.

I would encourage you to just pray a simple prayer every day: God, help me become the person you have made me to be. Whatever that looks like.

I struggle with comparing myself to others. I see other people who are open with emotions when I’m closed off. I see other people who seem so at ease in relationships and seem to understand something that I don’t. I see other people and wonder if there is some secret to a successful life that I am missing.

Yet when I turn back to God and start my day saying that simple prayer, things start to come into focus. When I stop trying to be where everyone else is, or who everyone else seems to be, and just begin to accept where I am at and that God has a plan for me? The world seems a little less bleak and I’m a little more confident in who I am.

So be yourself. If you don’t like crowds? Be comfortable in that. You know your limits and not everyone is meant to be a social butterfly. I would encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, but I think when you focus on God to give you the cues to do it, it will be easier to step out in faith. At least, that’s what I’ve come to realize.