TMZ’s Top-5 Posts of 2012: #4

I’m in the middle of a five-day stretch featuring my top-5 posts of 2012. At #5 was a recap of my emotional birthday baptism. And now at #4 comes something…completely different.

“Lessons in California Driving” was my much needed venting session about how bizarre it is to drive out here. I’ve only been a California driver for 2 of my 25 years, and I’m still learning things everyday.

Here’s how this one starts…

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When I got my California driver’s license this past fall, I had no idea I would learn so much about driving. I’d held a Georgia license for years, only to realize I knew nothing about driving.

Let’s start with the front cover of my handy little California driver handbook:

See, that right there was my first problem. In my seven years with a Georgia license, I’d never seen it, touched it, trusted it. I’m still not sure what “it” is, exactly, but now that I possess a California license I can totally perform these three acts with confidence should the situation for seeing, touching, and/or trusting ever arise.

Georgia, you failed me. 

California’s highways are a little funky. So funky, in fact, that they call them freeways out here. What’s so “free” about them?

Trust it, Tom. Just trust it.

The freeways have dashed white lines and solid yellow lines and quadruple double yellow lines, and honestly half the time I’m not even sure I’m fully within an actual lane.

When I prepared to enter my first California freeway, I grew alarmed at the sight of these miniature traffic light devices guarding the on-ramps. I immediately braked because I had no idea what was going on. Turns out these “meters” help with the flow of traffic onto the freeway. And like a traffic light, green still means “go” while red means “stop.”

BUT NO YELLOW LIGHT. INSANE.

Then there’s blind people…

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CLICK HERE for the rest of my lessons in California driving! What to do about all those blind people roaming the streets??

Check back tomorrow to see who plays the role of my awkward top-5 posts middle child.

Until then, who’s the fourth best Chipmunk? I’m going with Marvin.