TMZ’s Top-5 Posts of 2012: #2

Guys. We’re almost there. Today’s TMZ countdown brings us to my #2 post of 2012. And it was one of my personal favorites of the year, too.

When I wrote “TMZ’s Top-11 Books I’ve Never Read,” I never sought to change the world. And yet by the end of this post…I still didn’t accomplish that. But I loved formulating this particular list. And apparently others did too.

Here’s how it starts…

I like lists. Lists keep the world in order. Lists tell us what’s the best of the best and the worst of the worst and the medicorest of the mediocre.

Top-10 lists are cute, but cliché. That’s why I do top-11 lists. They’re less cute, yes, but also less cliché, which also means more original. Also, I greatly worry what people think of me; I’ll trade cute for non-cliché.

I love books, though I’m certain I don’t read nearly enough. There’s just too many great books out there I’ve yet to tap into. So here now is my top-11 list of books I’ve never read. I hear they’re all pretty great — or, you know, maybe they’re not. 

#11. Breaking Dawn – It’s actually quite sad that, yes, I have read the first three books of the “epic”Twilight “saga.” Do Edward and Bella get married? Does the fetus eat Bella from the inside out? Does Jacob just give up on clothing forever? You’ll be up long after “eclipsing” the final page, though from awestruck wonder or irrevocable regret is entirely up to you.

#10. The Kite Runner – The story of a lonely kite who runs away from his evil step-kite-parents’ home in the clouds. How exactly the kite runs across the sky without any legs is a startling revelation. This book’s, like, internationally renown, y’all.

#9. A Tale of Two Cities – A fascinating cross-examination of Los Angeles and Anaheim and how these two cities possess far too many sports teams for being just 30 minutes apart — well, 90 with traffic.

#8. Gone with the Wind – Where did it go? The last page will leave you breathless. Or should I saywindless?

#7. The DaVinci Code – Tom Hanks has a horrible haircut and stares at paintings and runs the streets of Italy. Only in book-form.

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CLICK HERE for the rest of my never-read list!  SPOILER: I’ve actually read Mockingjay since the airing of this post. So it’s technically a top-10 post now, which is just dreadfully cliche. I’ll have to go back and fix that someday.

In the meantime, check back tomorrow for my #1 post of 2012! It’s gonna be GOOD, y’all. I mean, I hope.

Until then, what’s the second best book you’ve never read? I’m still going with The Hobbit which is now a movie playing near you except it’s really three even though it’s only supposed to be one. Why does Peter Jackson only succeed in confusing me?